(Part 2 of Previous Post)
I know it’s been several weeks since my last post, but I am now prepared to write a continuation of it. I’ve been really putting myself out there since writing that. I’ve been giving a couple dating apps a serious effort to see what I could find. I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and analysis to determine what it is that I’m really looking for in a “love connection” because I don’t want to lead anyone on too strongly, nor do I want to push myself further than I am able to go right now. So I’m playing the field. Getting a feel for what’s out there. Of course, that includes exploring my sexuality, which has been severely overlooked up to this point.
I’m certain that I am not really telling anyone something that they don’t already know when I say that dating is a complete shit show at any age, but there seems to be a whole other level of strangeness when you are attempting to start over again at an age when most people are settled down with a family, especially if you don’t have at least some semblance of that, i.e. children.
All too often, I’ve come across profiles of married couples looking to add a third, which is definitely not what I’m looking for, or people who let you know at some point that they are still married. I don’t want to be another participant in some weird family dynamic, and I don’t want to help anyone cheat on their significant other. That is not what I’m about.
On the other hand, I am not really looking for a long-term, tied-down commitment. I have come to enjoy my independence, and I’m not going to give that up. I’ve spent the majority of my adult life in committed relationships that more or less left me worse than before, so I have come to appreciate my time alone.
So, what’s left? Scouring through all the hay and attempting to find the needle. That one person who can provide friendship along with intimacy that I so desire, but still allow me to be free to continue growing into who I am and will become. I have had a few hit and misses, which was to be expected, but I am definitely starting to narrow the search, all the while enjoying myself and having some fun with it. Now that my confidence has finally built up to any acceptable level, I am at a point where I can put myself out there more comfortably, accept rejection with my head held high and ask for what I want without the guilt or regret.